


Art of Losing

by shamrockivy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 11:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/609553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamrockivy/pseuds/shamrockivy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is used to losing; in fact, one could say he’s turned it into an art form.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Art of Losing

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song with the same name by American Hi-Fi. Fic takes place directly after events in Season 6, Episode 10 "Caged Heat".

_Can't you see it's killing me_  
 _I'm my own worst enemy_  
 _Knock me down I'll keep on moving_  
 _It's the art of losing_  
~ **Art of Losing by American Hi-Fi**

He was used to life screwing him over by now. His give ‘em hell attitude aside, life had beaten the lesson into him that no matter how hard he fought he was going to end up losing. Sure he’d still be standing at the end, but there was always something or someone he’d lose. Hell, his life was one huge screw-up of losing with the big three. Family, faith, and love weren’t things he’d ever been able to keep together.

Everything had started with losing Mom to that damned yellow-eyed sonofabitch in the flames of Sammy’s nursery and two decades later, after a wreck with a demon truck driver and a deal made with the same yellow-eyed bastard, he was up and kicking again while losing his dad to Hell as the price tag.

Twenty-two years of fighting and he’d come full circle again, still charged with his job of taking care of Sammy only with an extra burden he’d never wanted of keeping his little brother from going all Darth Vader.

And hadn’t he done a bang up job of that? It hadn’t mattered how much he’d tried to warn Sam, how many chick flick moments they’d shared, or how often he’d dragged his brother out of harm’s way. When it came down to the brass tacks none of it mattered because Sam had chosen a demon over his own brother.

He’d failed and not only with Sam, but with Adam as well. After just coming to accept Adam as family, he’d lost the kid to the douchiest head honcho of the angel gang.

Even more pathetic was his inability to keep a hold of his substitute family. Ellen and Jo had gone out with a flaming inferno to take down some hellhounds and his second chance at a normal family with Lisa and Ben had gone down in figurative flames when he’d gotten the painful truth of what Lisa thought.

Even with having been turned into a barely in control blood sucker, he couldn’t forgive himself for having scared Lisa and Ben so much.

His faith had gone the same way as his family. The innocence of his childhood had burned up in the fire that took his mother. She’d said that angels were watching over him and she’d been right, but those angels weren’t anything but selfish dicks and douche bags wanting him to be an angel condom to bring about the ending of the world.

His faith had been lost before he’d really ever found it and now his belief consisted of knowing that good things generally don’t happen, that God isn’t there and doesn’t care about diddly squat, miracles are just bad deals that haven’t turned sour quite yet, and the only thing that’s certain is pain dogging your heels until death finally pulls you down.

The losses on love were a short list because he’d damned well learned his lesson. Love outside of family couldn’t go together with work and the train wreck that had been his relationship with Cassie had driven that point home.

Dropping the reality bombshell on her had only led to screwing them both over and their goodbyes after the killer truck craziness had been the final nail in the coffin.

Even a woman who’d been exposed to the insanity of the supernatural and accepted it with almost unnerving ease like Lisa was still a recipe for disaster. Even if whatever they’d had together for that single year resembled love, it hadn’t been strong enough to survive through the shit storm of Sam walking unannounced back into his life.

He’d known it was all going to come crashing down around him, but he’d been selfish for once, the temptation of having a family, of having someone as awesome as Ben to teach about cars and classic flicks overriding his own common sense.

So with all the crap he’d dealt with and the people and relationships he’d lost in his screwed up life, he felt that he’d become a master in the art of losing, of having life knock him down on his ass just to get back up again, beaten and bloody, and keep on moving.

Pretty much he’d thrown in the towel on his family, faith, and love.

But then there was Castiel.

Castiel, the angel who’d dragged his tortured and fragmented soul out of Hell and back into his body. The angel who’d rebelled against Heaven to help him, killed several of his brothers to protect him, brought him the newly alive Adam, helped countless times to successfully stop the apocalypse, and had lost nearly all his grace and practically became human only to be killed twice, blown up into a bloody mess that not even a meat grinder could match.

And when the dust had settled from the stand off and he’d started his shell-shocked journey to Lisa and Ben, after that parting remark from the angel, he’d thought that was the last he’d see of Cas.

But no, once things started looking hairy again Cas was right there, dragging his feathery ass down to help in hunting down an angelic renegade. Cas had constantly put up with his attitude that worsened with every day he spent watching his robot of a brother exist without his soul.

Then it had come down to Cas agreeing to team up with demons to burst into Crowley’s secret stash of monsters and interrogate the demon. Cas had come through, ganking the now former king of Hell when it was obvious the scum wasn’t able to snatch Sam’s soul from the cage.

It was that awkward moment of watching Cas sucking face with Meg combined with the angel’s confession of wanting to be on Earth, be with him, more than Heaven that had led to the present scenario of him having a naked angel sitting in his bed of the current crap motel with himself in nothing but his birthday suit and coming down from the most intense orgasm of his life.

Once Sam had ditched him and headed to go pick up the choice hooker of the week, he’d headed back to the motel only to have it out with Cas over the angel’s sudden curiosity in acting out porn with the “abomination”.

Apparently Cas had picked up some human pointers on how to cause jealousy and had used them to piss him off and cause a natural order of angry confessions and frantic sex to happen.

Who’d have guessed that a “profound bond” in Enochian, or angelic whatever meant an engagement and that not denying it sealed the deal?

So here he found himself naked in a crappy motel bed with his equally naked angelic spouse after having consummated their profound bond and coming to the realization that Cas wasn’t planning on getting lost anytime soon, or in fact, ever.

The formerly virgin angel had said as much with the huge amount of possessive attention his left shoulder had gotten just a few hours ago. It had sparked the thoughts in his brain that wouldn’t shut up now.

Cas was a part of his dysfunctional family, was one of the only being he had faith in, was the only one who’d given him love without an added burden to lug around. He’d probably have his certified freak out in the morning, but for right now with the dark blue eyes that were looking down at him and had pierced through his bullshit and flesh to his very soul and the gentle hands stroking through his strands of hair that had held it and carried it out of Hell, freaking out was one of the last things on his mind.

Cas knew the entirety of his soul, of every nasty or awful thing of his past, but could still look at him as if he was some kind of priceless thing that had been found, to be guarded and treasured.

His life was still in chaos with Sam without his soul that was trapped with the two most powerful and twisted angels with no plan yet to get it back out, angels set on restarting the apocalypse, and more supernatural baddies out and about than ever before.

He was sure there were some pansy poets who’d go on about his past losses being worth gaining an angel’s love and he’d be glad to take a couple shots at them.

But locking eyes with the blue ones above him, filled with love so obvious it didn’t need to be said, he couldn’t help but think that this just might be the end of his losing streak. 


End file.
